Elephant Herds: The Power of Moms Working Together

A few months ago, I found myself in the ICU. A heart scare. The kind that makes you stop and ask: What am I even doing?

The doctors didn’t find blockages or need to put in stents, but they did find something else—damage. Likely from years of battling bulimia and anorexia, hereditary causes, etc.

And still, a week later, I went to Africa on my scheduled vacation of a lifetime. Because life is short, and if I’ve learned anything, it’s that waiting until the “right time” often means never.

Africa gave me perspective in ways I didn’t expect.

One evening, as the sun melted into the horizon, we went for a game drive, where we hoped to see all of the animals as they went to get water. 

I watched a herd of elephants moving toward the river. Over 25 elephants had to pass a pride of lions resting under a tree, and I braced for the drama.

But the lions? They ran.

They didn’t challenge the elephants. They didn’t even try. Because when elephants move together, they are unstoppable. They don’t flinch. They don’t scatter. They stand in unshakable solidarity.

And I realized something: We’ve lost this.

We used to have it. Community. Women standing together. But over time, life chipped away at it, and COVID was the final nail in the coffin.

We were already hanging on by our fingertips, trying to hold onto friendships, making do with surface-level connection, drowning in busyness. And then—lockdown. Isolation. It became easier to stay in our little worlds, to scroll instead of reach out, and to let friendships fade than to fight for them.

And it’s not just us. Our kids are struggling, too.

They don’t know how to reach out. How to reconnect. How to be with people instead of just around them.

Elephants have something called the elephant circle. When one of them is in labor, the other females form a ring around her, standing guard as she brings new life into the world. They protect. They shield. They celebrate.

When one is injured, they do it again—shoulder to shoulder, unwavering.

There’s no competition. No judgment. No do it on your own. Just the instinct to stand together.

And here’s the thing: elephants all look the same, but they are not the same.

And neither are we.

Somewhere along the way, the message of “Be a strong woman” got tangled up with be strong—but do it my way.

You guys, I am not doing it “a man’s way.” I am not doing it your way.

I am doing it MY way. And I will cheer you on as you do it YOUR way.

That is the heart of it.

We don’t need to slap a label on it and join a club. We don’t need to box ourselves in just to be accepted. We need to embrace our differences. We need to model that for our girls.

Recently, I had a conversation with a group of 24-year-old women, and they asked me:

"Why are older women so mean?"

And that question hit me hard.

We can blame it on menopause, the patriarchy, society—God knows what else. But blame doesn’t create unity.

Blame isolates. Blame intimidates.

Dignity isn’t about being right. It’s about standing firm in who you are without needing to tear someone else down in the process. It’s the quiet strength of knowing your worth without demanding validation. It’s the ability to disagree without disrespect, to listen without losing yourself, and to walk away without bitterness.

And I truly believe that strength is best modeled with dignity.

If a woman doesn’t think like me? Okay.
If she hates me? Okay.
If she wants to attack me? Okay.
That’s on her.

Christian. Non-Christian. Liberal. Republican. We all seem to be looking for a cause to fight for—or fight against. And in the process, we isolate each other, convinced that righteousness must come at the cost of connection. I’ve been there. I’ve stood in my own self-righteousness, judging to make myself feel better. But that only builds more walls, fuels more division, and creates more noise.

We don’t have to be best friends. We don’t have to hang out. But we can evolve—with curiosity instead of criticism. Women already face enough judgment from the world; we don’t need to clutch our pearls and pile it on each other.

Dignity and character show up in how we handle differences. It’s the ability to learn from people we disagree with—or don’t even like. It’s choosing to clarify before jumping to conclusions. It’s being curious instead of judgmental. It’s staying open enough to appreciate different perspectives without trying to force, manipulate, or condescend.

That’s what dignity in action looks like. And that’s the kind of strength that actually changes things.

Because when I watched those elephants, I saw something beautiful. They disagreed. They stomped. They had their temper tantrums. But then—radical acceptance. Maybe even respect.

Because when respect threads through the herd, when dignity threads through, that’s where the beauty lies. That’s where the power begins.

And I want that power back.

For myself. For my friendships. For the young women growing up in this messy, complicated world.

We need to rebuild our village. We need to reconnect. Not just for ourselves, but for our daughters.

Because when we do this, we build something bigger than ourselves.

Lessons from the Elephant Herd

They Support Each Other Through Every Challenge
Elephant herds are led by the oldest, wisest female—known as the matriarch—who helps guide the group through difficult terrain, find food, and avoid danger. The other females, from mothers to aunts, come together to protect the young and care for one another.

As moms, we often feel like we need to go it alone, but like the elephants, we thrive when we rely on the wisdom and support of other women. We don’t have to face the challenges of parenting by ourselves—leaning on other moms for advice, reassurance, and encouragement makes the journey so much easier.

They Protect and Lift Each Other Up
In elephant herds, when one member is in distress—whether it's an injured member or a calf in danger—the entire group rallies around to offer protection and care. There’s no competition or judgment, just the instinct to lift one another up.

As moms, we sometimes fall into the trap of comparison, but what if, instead, we adopted the elephant’s approach? Rather than competing, we could protect each other’s hearts and minds—offering compassion, understanding, and a helping hand when things get tough.

They Share Responsibilities
Elephant herds share the responsibility of raising their young, making sure the calves are protected and nurtured by many, not just their biological mothers.

In our own lives, this shows us the power of a village—the value of shared responsibility. Whether it's arranging playdates, helping with school pickups, or simply being there for each other emotionally, sharing the load lightens the weight of motherhood. It reminds us that we don’t have to do everything ourselves.

They Celebrate Growth and Milestones Together
Elephants are known to mourn their losses and celebrate their victories as a group. When a calf is born, it’s a celebration for the entire herd.

This is a beautiful reminder for us as moms to celebrate each other’s milestones—whether it’s a child’s achievement or a personal victory like getting through a tough week. Celebrating together strengthens bonds and reminds us that we’re not alone in the highs and lows of life.

They Trust the Process of Learning and Growth
Elephants know that wisdom comes with experience. The matriarch wasn’t born knowing everything—she learned through years of trial and error, by observing and growing with her herd.

As moms, we can learn to trust the process of learning and growth, both in ourselves and in our children. We won’t always get it right, but like the elephants, we grow stronger through each experience, learning from the wisdom of those who’ve walked the path before us.

Find Your Herd

I’m stepping in. I’m finding my herd again. Are you?

If you’ve felt the weight of loneliness, if you’ve been craving deeper friendships, if you’re ready to reconnect—not just for yourself, but for your daughter—I want you to be part of something different.

Let’s build the village we thought we’d have. Let’s raise the next generation together.